INNOCENCE LOST: THE HIDDEN CASUALTIES OF THE IRAQ WAR CHILDREN OF THE FALLEN Nearly 900 children have lost a parent in Iraq By LISA HOFFMAN and ANNETTE RAINVILLE Scripps Howard News Service December 15, 2004
| I don't want to be a daddy because daddies die" ... Jack Shanaberger, age 4
Sad to the depths of his 4-year-old soul, Jack Shanaberger knew what he didn't want to be when he grows up: a father. "I don't want to be a daddy because daddies die," the child solemnly told his mother after his father, Staff Sgt. Wentz "Baron" Shanaberger, a military policeman from Fort Pierce, Fla., was killed March 23 in an ambush in Iraq.
Surrounded by family members, Corey Shanaberger holds her daughter Grace, 3, during her husband's funeral. Sgt. First Class Wentz "Baron" Shanaberger's was killed in Iraq in an ambush, leaving behind his wife and five children. (SHNS photo by Brendan Fitterer / St. Petersburg Times)
On that terrible day, Jack and his four siblings joined the ranks of the largely overlooked American casualties who, until now, have gone uncounted. Although almost daily official announcements tally the war dead, the collateral damage to the children left behind has not been detailed. But, from Defense Department casualty reports, obituaries and accounts in hometown newspapers, and family interviews, Scripps Howard News Service has identified nearly 900 U.S. children who have lost a parent in the war, from the start of the conflict in March 2003 through November, when a total of 1,256 troops had died.
| We now have to be concerned about orphan programs" ... Charles Moskos, Professor
Although comparably specific historical data is not available for other U.S. wars, military experts said the proportionally higher number of American children left bereaved by the Iraq war is unprecedented. "This is a new state of affairs we have to confront," said Charles Moskos, a leading military sociologist and Northwestern University professor. Overall, Americans in uniform today are far more likely to be married and have children than in the military of the past, Moskos and others said. And the reliance in Iraq on reserve forces _ who tend to be older and even more settled than active-duty soldiers _ also means more offspring at home. Even though the federal government provides an array of benefits for widows, widowers and minor children, more help is needed _ including counseling _ for at least 882 American children left without a parent from the war in Iraq. "As much as we are concerned about veterans' programs, we now have to be concerned about orphan programs," Moskos said. "This is the first time we have crossed this threshold."
PROFILES
Biographical sketches of the servicemen mentioned in the story
» | Wentz Jerome Henry Shanaberger III
» | Doyle M. Hufstedler
» | Allen Nolan
» | John W. Marshall
According to the Scripps research, more than 40 percent of the 1,256 war dead through November were married, and 429 had children. At least half of those youngsters were 10 years old or younger. Among the parents who died were six women soldiers who had borne a total of 10 children among them _ another historic first for females in the U.S. military. Perhaps most heartbreaking are the more than 40 troops who died without ever seeing their children. At least 34 wives were pregnant _ four with twins _ when their husbands died, and another15 had babies while their spouses were deployed. While some of the latter were able to return home on paternity leave, most died before they could. Among those who never once held their babies was Army 1st Lt. Doyle Hufstedler, 25, of Abilene, Texas, who was killed in March when a roadside bomb hit his armored personnel carrier near Habbaniyah. In his uniform pocket, Hufstedler carried a sonogram picture of his unborn daughter, the only image he would ever have of Grace Ashley, who arrived six weeks after his death.
| Leslie Hufstedler's husband Doyle died in April, one month before his daughter Gracy was born. Here Leslie and 5-month-old Gracy share a moment at Leslie's parents home in Charlotte, N.C. (SHNS photo by Layne Bailey / Charlotte Observer)
Ursula Pirtle gave birth to Katie, her husband's first-born and spitting image, 27 days after Army Spc. James Heath Pirtle, 27, of La Mesa, N.M., was killed Oct. 3, 2003, in an insurgent attack north of Baghdad. "It's almost hard to look at her sometimes," Ursula Pirtle, who now lives in Harker Heights, Texas, wrote in a posthumous online letter to her husband. "I would give my right arm to get a chance to see you two together ... I know she would be the biggest joy you've ever known." Despite their losses, Pirtle and most other surviving spouses say they still support the war. They say they are profoundly proud of their loved ones' willingness to give their lives for their country and to help bring democracy to Iraq. That pride helps their children cope as well.
At 50 children per school bus, it would take more than 17 busses to hold the nearly 900 children who have lost a parent to the Iraq War. (SHNS graphic by George Sterling)
Virginia Collier, of Harrison, Ark., found great solace in her husband's undimmed belief that the Iraq war was not only justified, but also engendering more good than the media has portrayed. A father of four, her husband, Army National Guard Sgt. Russell Collier, 48, was killed Oct. 3 trying to help a fellow soldier under fire in Taji, Iraq.
The pregnant wife of 1st Lt. Doyle M. Hufstedler III, Leslie Hufstedler, second from left, is consoled by family during a graveside ceremony in Abilene, Texas, on April 9, 2004. (SHNS photo by Josie Liming/ Abilene Reporter-News)
"He died doing what he loved," Veronica Collier told a local newspaper. By all accounts, children also bring a measure of comfort to the bereaved spouses and other relatives, providing a tangible link to the parent who is gone. Hufstedler's widow, Leslie, said her daughter is a perpetual prod to get on with life. Now sharing a home with her parents in Charlotte, N.C., Hufstedler, 25, said she dreads the coming Christmas season, which would have been the first for her brand new family, but she has resolved to celebrate for Grace's sake. In Hinesville, Ga., Denise Marshall also expects a sad Christmas, a holiday for which her husband, Army Sgt. 1st Class Robert Marshall, once handled the biggest decorating chores. That is the least of the new widow's problems. Since Marshall, 50, was killed in a rocket-propelled gun attack in April 2003, his wife has struggled financially and otherwise to care for their three children, all of whom have medical disabilities. The trio are getting counseling to help with their loss, but the emotional wound remains fresh. More than a year after his father's passing, Marshall's son, Richard, 16, still has a hard time sleeping. Once, his mother said, Richard asked her, "Did Dad love his soldiers more than he loved us?" The fierce love many fallen soldiers had for their children is evident in both the reasons they joined the service and in letters and e-mails they sent home.
| He died doing what he loved " ... Veronica Collier, widow
Pfc. Stephen Downing, 30, of Burkesville, Ky., gave up his truck-driving job to join the Army to provide a better life for his children, Taylor, 9, and Stephen, 5. "His kids were everything in the world for him," Downing's ex-wife, LeAnn Emmons, told a local newspaper. A man with a soft spot for all children, Downing _ killed Oct. 28 by a sniper in Ramadi _ told his family he would also be fighting for the children of Iraq. "He told his kids that he wanted Iraqi kids to have the same opportunities (American) kids do," Emmons said. It was his own bottomless love for his wife and two daughters that gave rise to the worst fear for Army Chief Warrant Officer William Brennan, an Army helicopter pilot killed in a crash Oct. 16 on a mission to protect Iraqi civilians fleeing under fire from insurgents. "It's not the fear of death that wears me down. It is the feeling of not being there for my three girls," Brennan, 36, of Bethlehem, Conn., wrote in an Easter letter to his sister. Only 2 years old when his own father died, Brennan worried that, if he were killed, his children "would never know me."
The Army Honor Guard from Fort Stewart, Georgia carries the casket out of Coleman and Ferguson Funeral home in Dade City following an emotional service for Sergeant First Class Wentz "Baron" Shanaberger. (SHNS photo by Brendan Fitterer / St. Petersburg Times)
Corey Shanaberger, widow of the Florida MP killed in March, is doing everything she can so her children will remember their father in both life and death. Baron Shanaberger left instructions that, if he died, his five kids should be permitted to see him in his coffin, believing that would help them come to terms with his passing and provide them some closure. At the funeral home viewing, Jack and his twin sister, Grace, climbed up so they could touch and kiss him in his open casket. The children placed precious mementos in the coffin with him _ a little red truck, a stuffed puppy dog, a favorite doll, a photo. Now, each night when the stars are out, Corey Shanaberger tells her children that one star is their daddy coming out of heaven to watch over them. They all blow a kiss to the sky. "I always tell my children, 'You might forget what your daddy looked like but always remember what he felt like'," she said. "Always remember his hugs, always remember his kisses, and always remember his love." (Reach Lisa Hoffman at hoffmanl(at)shns.com)